This blog is going to be about my first love story. I just hope he doesn’t read this. So about 5 years ago is when I first ‘noticed’ Travis. Sure I had seen him around, I knew his name, and we were friends, but I had never really seen him that way. I remember when it first hit me, it was like a sudden pang of pain that was on inside of me. I felt like he was the one I was going to marry. Well a couple weeks past and me, being the stupid little girl I was, told him I liked him. I’ll never forget it. He had been wearing his jean jacket with patches all over it, something I always adored. I asked him if I could talk to him and pulled him behind kids church. It was a Sunday and no one was back there at the moment. I told him I liked him and what he said next, I’ll never forget. He said “I know”. I was confused and asked him what he meant. It was then he explained how he saw me looking over at him and how I’d smile as he walked by. Of course I was oblivious to it though and had no idea I had been subconsciously sending signals to him. After that day, time went in a blur. Birthdays started approaching. His is in April mine in February. If you knew him, you’d know he’s a really sweet and kind guy, in fact his nickname IS Sweet Trav. Well for my birthday he got my a lovely scented candle, a tiger sketch he had drawn, and a blue homemade New Mexican bracelet. Well when his birthday came I thought really long and hard about what he’d like. At the time he liked two things of my knowledge. Martial arts and outdoors. So after I thought a while I settled on a head lamp that cost 10 dollars. Now to someone older, 10 dollars was nothing, but to me, an 11 year old, 10 dollars was about 3 months of saving every penny I could find. I wrapped it all up all nice and pretty and gave it to him on his birthday which fortunately for me was a Sunday. I was glad when he liked it. If he was happy, I was happy. He had once invited me to a school dance. I was so upset when I couldn’t go because I had literally just thrown up my cherry slushies at church. Well about 5 months later, he and I hadn’t been talking as much as before and I started to doubt he liked me back. I finally got one of my friends (unknown to this day) to ask him how he felt. When they came back they told me he didn’t like me and thought I was annoying. I was absolutely heartbroken for a week. I became slightly depressed and in that I decided ‘if he doesn’t like me, I won’t be around him. If he thinks I’m annoying I’ll stay away’ i wanted him happy and if he was upset with being around me then I didn’t want to be around him. We didn’t talk much for almost 2 years. I tried my hardest to forget, and denied it everytime someone would say I liked him. Sometimes denial is the biggest sign of a broken heart. It wasn’t until 2 years ago in, I believe, May that my mom said something that made me realize how I really felt. We were sitting at the table making red velvet, cake pops for a fundraiser. She said something along these lines: ‘I don’t see why you didn’t keep going after Travis. He was so sweet always getting you things and you just brushed him aside’ she did not know about what I had been told. I later learned from my dad that Travis would text him looking for me. I was too embarresed to talk to him face-to-face so I Facebooked him, apologizing and explaining what I thought had happened. That for me was like another confession. Still nothing though. After that I did something super embarrassing…. I had gathered a lot of courage that Tuesday in May. For some reason, choosing a slightly skimpy type top I was about to grow out of, a pair of black jeans, and 1 inch flip flop heals to wear that night. As they finished announcements I stood up and scowered the room and walked in the direction of my target. As I was about 5 feet away I called out “Hey Travis! Long time no see” and lifted my arms and gave him a large awkward hug… He said nothing but hey back, but sometimes I find myself wishing I could remember what that hug felt like. Was it warm or cold? Did he hug back? If he did, did he wrap his arms around my back or let them rest at my side? Did I put my head to the side or did I rest it on his shoulder. I can’t remember, no matter how hard I try… Afterwards I was super embarrassed. I wonder if he remembers it. We chatted through Facebook more after that, but I didn’t really know how to become better friends with him. Plus the fact I couldn’t talk to him with out feeling like my insides would burst. Eventually I got curious and asked him were we stood. He said we were at the height of a good friendship. I know he just didn’t want to make things awkward, but at that moment, I really wanted to know how he felt about me. He has never once told me even the slightest bit. I began questioning if I was pretty enough. If I was smart enough. If I was good enough. Well just last April my mom announced to me literally 4 days before that I could attend the home school prom at the four hills country club. Of course I didn’t want to go alone, I’d be very bored, so my mom began listing possible people to ask. She listed Toby or Jesse (both brothers, and friends of mine), and that’s when I asked if I could ask Travis. She said yes and I immediately ran to my computer, it being Tuesday night after church, I quickly pulled up Facebook and messaged Travis, asking if he would like to go to a prom with me that next Friday. He said yes. You can probably picture the little happy dance I did when he answered. I got a pretty blue dress from my grandma two days before and buying shoes from Walmart. He messaged me the day before asking what color my dress was, wanting to see if he had a tie to match. His choices were a pink one or a blue and yellow striped one. He chose the striped. The next morning was kind of hectic as I raced to get ready. I showered twice that morning not wanting to stink at all. My aunt came over the do my hair and I used an expensive foundation air brush for my makeup. My dad then drove me to Travis’s house to pick him up. Once there we walked up to the door and rang it. His house is nothing like I had imagined. Its white and looks small on the outside but I’m sure it’s bigger than it looks. Why am I talking about his house again? Oh yeah, it was because as soon as his dad answered the door and he came out from behind, I saw that look on his face. It made my stomach do flips and my heart flutter. It was a look of complete shock or amazement. Unlike what my grandma had thought, he brought me a corsage. Actually two. One that was store bought, on a snap bracelet; oh, but the daisies were so pretty. Then the other his friend had made for him to give to me. It had a pretty blue ribbon and beautiful white and pink flowers. It was absolutely gorgeous. I loved it so much. He put it on my wrist, tying it in a pretty bow, little did he know I’d untie it once or twice more just so that he could tie it back around my wrist again. When he did, sometimes his hand would brush against mine. Best feeling ever! After that we talked a little to his dad about were it was and when we thought we’d be bringing him home. We then got into the car, I very thankful that my dad had cleaned it out for me, we small talked. It was actually kind of awkward. At the actual prom, we signed in and entered the dance room. The music hadn’t started yet so we went out to the patio area. There is were he asked me if I had his number. I answered truthfully, because no I had not gotten his number. But that’s when he pulled out his phone and asked for mine. It was an awesome moment. You know that moment when you want to just shout ‘boo yah!’ to absolutely no one? Well this was one. We talked for a while until the music inside started, which then went in and danced to a few songs he knew. Mainly oldies of course. It was so much fun. More people crowded in and it became very hot so we decided to move to the foyer. There, we mainly asked each other questions. The usual, what do you want to be later in life, what’s you favorite…., if you could …… But that’s when he really surprised me by asking the question ‘who do you want to date when you’re older?’ well I thought about it. I knew the answer but didn’t want to seem stupid, so I listed through the guys I knew “well I don’t know many guys. There’s Toby, but he’s more like a brother. Jessie, but he’s a little weird and I don’t see him that way” I paused for a moment before continuing with “I don’t know, I’ve always wanted to date you”. His facial expression changed there. It was like he didn’t expect the answer even though he asked the question. We moved on though, but continued on the same subject of significant others. I asked about girlfriends he had had, he said he hadn’t dated other girls but when they asked him if he wanted to go out he’d grab their arm and walk them out the door saying ‘isn’t it beautiful out today?’. I laughed at this because I could actually see him doing that. The night ended when I called my dad and he picked us up. We took him home and chatted for a few minutes outside his house with his dad again before heading home. I hope I never forget that magical night. Since then nothing much has happened except my failed attempts at trying to text him. I think I’ve started to annoy him with it. But recently, like the last few months, I’ve noticed he’ll look over at me when we’re at church. Does he do that to every one? I’d wonder. It’s like that kind of awkward quick glance that changes direction once it’s seen what it was looking for. Even tonight I caught him doing it at least thrice. For the longest time I was unsure of how I felt, then I felt some pang. But now I wonder after all this time, if what I really have is love. Mom says I’m too young to know what love is and that I can’t love someone I barely know. Whats your opinion? I’m so confused. But, if I really think about it, I don’t see myself with any one but him in the future. So my point for you is, don’t ley anyone get in your way of chasing your heart, but always take your brain with you. This allows you to love til you die, but choose the right person to take with you. I hope you enjoyed this. Please remember to like, comment and follow my blog to learn more great tips and hints for your own life!